Dear Super Sleuth,

What I’m about to tell you is strictly classified.

We've discovered a major threat to the success of the upcoming North Korean Summit. No, it's not Trump’s attitude, nor his inability to prepare. The biggest threat to the North Korean Summit is none other than the infamous thief: Carmen Sandiego!

You read that correctly, gumshoe. Carmen Sandiego, last seen on the Isle of Bora Bora, is reportedly planning to thwart the Summit. I don’t need to tell you about the seriousness of this threat.

Here is what we know so far.

— As we all know, Kim Jong-un recently sent a large envelope to the Oval Office. Possibly as an attempt to impress, possibly to mock. Trump’s plan to top the gesture is to acquire a bigger, more ornate envelope. But not just any envelope: the world’s largest envelope! Trump plans on dipping the envelope in gold and encrusting it with enough diamonds to sink a ship!

Carmen Sandiego simply can't resist a prize like this. But she cannot get her hands on it. Gumshoe, your mission is to stop her from stealing this envelope! The fate of the world is at stake!

— Kim Jong-un and Trump are both avid golfers. Whether they are able to play well has yet to be sleuthed. Through what some may consider lazy writing, the results of the summit will be determined from through a game of golf, which originated on the Isle of Scotland. Eager to win this high stakes match, both Kim and Trump will have what you may call “outside help” to ensure that every shot they hit is a hole-in-one.

That help, however, has been infiltrated by none other than Carmen Sandiego! She, through cunning and her ability to move through time, has plans to sabotage the cheating so that this game will be played fairly. I don't have to tell you, fellow gumshoe, what a grave threat to world peace this is. You must foil Sandiego and ensure that both Kim and Trump get 18 holes-in-one in a row!

— It is widely known that Ms. Sandiego is fluent in all languages when it relates to buried treasure. Ms. Sandiego has managed to bamboozle the International Federation of Translators, and has worked her way into the position of translator between Kim Jong-un and President Trump. We have it from reliable sources that she will be using this position to not only translate, but to also ferret out the location of the fabled and priceless Devil’s Golden Violin!

Ms. Sandiego has cleverly deduced that Kim and Trump might have insights into where the Devil keeps his possessions. This is your most important mission, gumshoe. If she gets her hands on this violin she will absorb all of the Devil’s power. We have two theories for what she plans to do with this power. Either she will convert Hell into a storage facility for her plunderings or she will relocate Hell to the Isle of the Lost City of Atlantis, rocketing up the resale value before she flips it for a hefty profit margin! She must not be allowed to do either, gumshoe! We are all counting on you.

That’s all for now. Speak of this to no one and stop Carmen Sandiego before it’s too late!

Sincerely,

Chief Deep Throat


Get 10% off The Second City comedy classes with code PIC. Subscribe to our newsletter for new articles.