Introducing short trips for people too lazy to walk across the beach: The Surfboard Taxi!

For a small fee of US $90, you too can be strapped to a surfboard on which a Hawaiian 9-year-old will take you from one end of the beach to the other.

Surfboard taxi boy in Hawaii

STATE LAW:

All wills must be made out before trip.

SURFBOARD TAXI RULES:

  • Chances of kid surviving and you going out to sea with the board varies.
  • If you go out to sea with the board and are washed back alive, you must pay extra for the added mileage. If board is lost you must also pay for the board.
  • Will be banned from taxi service for one month if your 9-year-old Hawaiian cabbie dies
  • Not responsible for Acts of God.
  • If you look stupid, that’s your problem.
  • Extra charge for grocery bags (five dollars per bag). Not responsible for water damage.
  • No nudists.
  • No unfashionable board shorts.
  • Weight Limit: 250 pounds.
  • Small children prohibited by child welfare (except for cabbie).
  • Headphones allowed.
  • All animals allowed (except for birds and fish).
  • Red Cross Blood Courier service negotiable.
  • ABSOLUTELY NO CHARTERING.
  • Flat rate for family of four (no one under 18 except for cabbie). 

The Surfboard Taxi Company is part of Hawaiian Industries and is registered with the State of New Jersey. Any confusion between this company and any reputable company in or out of the state of Hawaii is strictly the stupidity of the consumer.

Not responsible for all death or loss of groceries.

Anyone wearing a transparent bathing suit in view of the 9-year-old surfboard operator will be required to register as a sex offender.

No rain checks, even if it is raining, and what the "f" are you doing riding on a surfboard with three bags of groceries in the rain?

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