By staff writer JD Rebello
« The Mind of a Single Guy, Part 1
Time to wake up.
What time is it?
6 something.
It's 9!
Shit, I'm late.
Screw it.
There's an attendance requirement. How many can you miss?
3.
How many have you missed?
47.
Well, one more won't kill you.
YEEEEOW! OMIGOD!
What?
I just rolled over on my morning wood.
I think I broke it. Let me check.
Ok it's fine.
Hey, while I'm down here….
Whatever happened to Jimmy Ray?
Who wants to know?
Awfully witty this morning, Brain.
Have you tried this Gillette body/hair stuff? You can use it on both.
This is extraordinary because I've always wondered if I should use
shampoo on my wang bush.
You used soap?
Yeah, what did you use?
I dunno, I'm just the brain. I cease to function during showers and
masturbating.
But I'm talking to you now, and I'm in the shower.
I just came to pick up a few things, then I'm gone.
Why do you not work during masturbating?
Do you really want me telling you those chicks you fantasize about
would never touch you?
Good point. Hey Brain…
Yeah?
Thanks.
Ok, I'm out of the shower.
I know.
That's really something, Brain.
TV dinner for lunch?
Would that not make it a TV lunch?
Take it easy, Plato.
If you had to have sex with a guy, who would it be.
Tom Brady—wait, what are you talking about?
Haha, you might be gay.
No, NO! Let's just drink beer and watch sports.
Fair enough, maybe the Pats Game is on! BWAHAHAHA!
SHUT THE FUCK UP, BRAIN!
I'm just fucking with you, Christ, you're a bigger pussy than Liver.
Liver's a pussy?
Oh yeah, he can't deal with shit. I told him I bagged his mom, he got
all pissed off and squirted bile at me.
Hey, I remember that, I was on the ground in agonizing pain. I
thought it was the Wendy's chicken sandwich.
Nah, it's just that Nancy being a crybaby. He wasn't like this before you started drinking.
Really?
Yeah, he used to be cool. Then you started drinking heavily, he
started seeing an Intestine, it's been hell. He's so whipped. He
doesn't even like to bust Appendix's balls anymore.
What's Appendix like?
He's a good shit and he can take a joke, so we love him.
Is it because he's utterly useless…
Useless like a philosophy major.
Hahaha. Damn Brain, you're a great guy.
You think so? Because people tell me that sometimes.
Yeah, you're funny and smart as a whip.
Then why don't girls like me?
Maybe they are intimidated by you.
No, that's not it.
Well, who do you like?
Well, I got my eye on your feminine side.
Huh?
Well, every guy's organs are male, but he's got to have a feminine
side. Yours is awfully pronounced; I think it's because you're such a
woman.
I'm trying to help you Brain.
Sorry, man, it's a force of habit, so much ball busting in here.
You're feminine side is really hot, though.
Just ask her out.
I'm always working, though.
Well, I could masturbate a few times, then you could have some free
time.
You'd do that for me?
Of course, you're my brain.
I love you, Justin.
I love you, Brain. But not as much as I love Penis.
Huh?
I mean, MY Penis! MY PENIS! I'm not gay. I swear.
Whoo boy. What a Nancy!
Continue to “The Mind of a Single Guy, Part 1” »
Continue to “The Mind of a Single Girl” »