No, ISIS wasn’t inspired by the prophet Muhammad, or by Mohamed Mohamud (who got 30 years for a tree lighting plot bomb), or by Mohamed Bouazizi (who started the Arab Spring and set himself on fire to protest oppression), or by Mohamed Hadid (developer of Ritz-Carlton hotels), or even by Mohamed Al-Fayed, the billionaire who owns the Ritz in Paris.

No, the Islamic State (ISIS) is a front for the Tony Montana Fight Club (TMFC), a formerly secret society of street thugs who played the Slender Man game song "Gimme 20 Dollars" accompanied by the catchphrases of the fictional Scarface star in their earbuds (along with 50 Cent) over and over. And over.

Tony Montana in Scarface with an AK-47 machine gun

The following is proof of the true origins of ISIS.

Prophet Muhammad: "What actions are most excellent, you ask? To gladden the heart of human beings, to feed the hungry, to help the afflicted, to lighten the sorrow of the sorrowful, and to remove the sufferings of the injured."

Profit Tony Montana: "I gonna carve him up real nice."

Prophet Muhammad: "Say what is true, although it may be bitter and displeasing to people."

Profit Tony Montana: "Why don’t you try stickin jou head up jour ass, see if it fits."

Prophet Muhammad: "Kindness is the mark of faith, and whoever is not kind has no faith."

Profit Tony Montana: "You little cockroaches…come on. You wanna play games? Say hello to my little friend!" (add SFX)

Prophet Muhammad: "The best of you are those who are best to the women."

Profit Tony Montana: "I never fucked anybody over that didn’t have it coming to them."

Prophet Muhammad: "The strong person is the one who controls himself when he is angry."

Profit Tony Montana: "What do I want? The whole world, and everything in it."

Slender Man has never spoken aloud. It’s said that if he does, everyone who hears him dies. And if he screams, the world ends. (He is currently writing a Jay-Z diss song while simultaneously suing him for copyright infringement.)

Suggested for You