My friend was recently telling us about the 156-question standardized compatibility test he and his fiancé were required to take by their parish as part of a pre-cana course. The questions encompassed topics including finances, sex, lifestyle expectations, and gender roles. Inspired by this, I decided to design my own pre-cana quiz that I believe can evaluate a couple’s suitability in only 15 questions.

Feel free to apply this questionnaire to your own relationship—unless of course you’re already married and aren’t in the mood for bad news.

1. Do you and your partner watch the same television shows? If not, are they scheduled at different times? If not, are you willing to invest in TiVo?

2. Do either you or your partner enjoy cooking? If no, are either you or your partner willing to pay the other to perform this service in the currency of massage or dish cleaning? (This question can be applied to dusting and sweeping as well.)

3. Are you and your partner comfortable sleeping in the same temperature? If not, have you made the necessary precautions by providing the colder one with flannel pajamas and a blanket reserve?

4. Do you and your partner both enjoy lying on the beach doing nothing? If one of you does not, can that individual entertain him/herself without nagging me, I mean, the other person, about being bored?

Couple on the beach in chairs
"BEACH CAN’T STOP ME, BRO!"

5. Can you and your partner finish a gallon of milk in a week? If the answer is no, will you take the gamble and buy that gallon and end up dumping the excess sour milk week after week, or will you relent and go with the half-gallon?

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6. Have you and your partner evaluated the closet space in your future habitation? If there is not room enough for both of your clothes, have you secured a dresser for the man’s less important wardrobe?

7. Can one of you iron? Do you know which of your clothes will melt upon application of direct heat?

8. If you are planning on having children, do either of you think it’s acceptable to allow a child to run around Starbucks screaming while neighboring consumers are quietly trying to write a blog?

9. Speaking of coffee, do you and your partner both enjoy the same brand of beans? If one of you drinks Dunkin Donuts and the other Starbucks, have you already registered for two coffeemakers to keep on opposite sides of the kitchen?

10. If one of you is lactose intolerant but still insists on eating ice cream once in a while, does the other person have a sense of smell?

11. If one of you is an impassioned Democrat and the other a right-winged Republican, have you already cancelled the wedding?

12. If you are a dog person, have you asked your partner if he/she likes cats? (The answer may surprise you.)

13. If one of you likes meat on pizza and the other does not, do both of you realize that even doing half-meat makes the entire pie taste like sausage?

14. If one of you is a stingy tipper, has the other perfected the art of discreetly leaving extra money on the table when the cheapo goes to the bathroom?

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15. Oh yeah, and are either of you employed? Do you share the same religious beliefs? Have you discussed family planning? Do you like your in-laws? blah blah blah


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