Hey liberal Facebook friend, it’s time to step out of that bubble you’ve created for yourself.

The world isn’t always constructed of binary extremes, and thus, not everything is so black and white. Good people are capable of doing bad things, just as bad people are equally capable of good things. For example, for each puppy Steve Bannon ritualistically slaughters in his office, he holds a beautiful, corresponding vigil to celebrate its life.

How. Fucking. Adorable.

Once the sacrificial offering of burnt flesh is made to the Dark One, White House Chief Strategist Steve Bannon wraps the dead dog in the white garb required of the Sacrament and solemnly blows out the candles at each point of the pentagram. He lovingly eyes the innocent pup’s entrails haphazardly strewn about the West Wing office floor, a picturesque reminder of the endearing fight for life the rescue dog exhibited when impaled with the ceremonial dagger. The Select Few, dressed in dark, hooded robes, chant in low, ominous song, as Bannon holds the dog up to the encroaching sunlight.

He closes the puppy’s eyes that are still open and staring up in sweet, adorable horror.

A single tear streams down his face.

Why?” he screams, seemingly to the universe. The Select Few scatter in fear.

Bannon gently lays the dog on his desk and unbuttons his shirt. Reaching inside the now considerably-sized hole in the puppy’s abdomen, he removes a fistful of blood. He then sings an ancient song of love as he presses his palm against his bare chest, leaving a beautiful outline in blood, a symbol of respect and admiration for the fallen creature.

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In order to punctuate the finality of it all, he closes the puppy’s eyes that are still open and staring up in sweet, adorable horror.

The Select Few return with a burlap sack, into which Bannon one-handedly tosses the pup carcass. And so the Unholy Procession begins! Down through the West Wing and out the back door of the White House, Bannon follows the Select Few with his hands gracefully clasped behind his back. The Select Few chant and burn myrrh. Once outside, Steve Bannon kisses the burlap sack before emptying the bloody contents right into the goat pen.

A wonderful lesson you’d be wise to learn, Occupy Democrats meme-sharing friends!

The Circle of Life is both cruel and beautiful. For every young gazelle killed by a lion for food, a puppy, too, must also be sacrificially exsanguinated by Steve Bannon to the Dark King of Babylon. Whatever opinion you have of Bannon, the man or the political figure, it must be tempered with the knowledge that for every puppy he does indeed kill, he honors beautifully and respectfully.

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