The Classic

There is a train car carrying five people that will crash and kill everyone unless you pull a switch which will direct the train car to another track. Unfortunately, there is a man on the other track, so if you pull the switch, he will die. But, the other five will live, so what do you do?

The Mueller

There is a train car carrying special counsel Robert Mueller that will crash and kill him unless you pull a switch which will direct the car to another track. Unfortunately, there is a flock of unbelievably cute sheep on the other track. Should you have cranberry sauce or Dijon mustard potatoes with your lamb chops?

The Fake News

There is a train car carrying Sean Hannity and the hosts of Fox and Friends that will soon crash and kill everyone on board unless you pull a switch which will direct the train to another track. Unfortunately, the other track leads to a warehouse full of dynamite. Would you rather watch an awesome train crash or a wicked-awesome explosion? (Please pick explosion)

The DNC

The DNC superdelegates who voted to keep Bernie off the ballot are on a train that's about to crash. Sucks to be them. You wanna go get some avocado toast?

The GOP

There is a train car carrying 100 high-ranking Republican congresspeople that will crash and kill everyone on board unless you pull a switch which will direct the car to another track. Fortunately, that other track is clear and the train car will coast safely to a stop. Should you stay where you are to Instagram the carnage from afar or go down for better selfies?

The Brexit

The UK is on a train that's about to crash. Unfortunately, they were on a safe track and decided to pull the switch leading to the crash themselves. There are no more switches to pull, but don't feel too bad. Boris Johnson's hair will be improved by the resulting fire.

The President

There is a train car carrying President Trump to yet another rambling, barely grammatical, lie-filled rally. The train will soon crash and kill everyone on board unless you pull the switch directing the car to another track. Unfortunately, there is a tiki-torch-carrying gathering of Alt-Right protesters on the other track. Should you attract the protesters to the path of the President's train with copies Atlas Shrugged or lying promises to sleep with them?

The EU Refugee Crisis

A boat of refugees is on a train which is about to crash into the Mediterranean Sea, where more than 2,000 refugees have already drowned this year. You have no idea how a boat got on a train, but would like to help them regardless. Unfortunately, the switch to direct their train onto a safer track is in Libyan waters and new regulations prevent you from going into Libyan waters to help. Sorry to get your hopes up.

The Putin

A train carrying Putin is about to crash. You can pull the switch to direct the car to another track, but unfortunately the other track leads into a black hole. If the train crosses the event horizon, the after-image will remain visible for centuries—at least that's what Neil deGrasse Tyson says, but what do I know? I'm not a scientist. So, anyway, what would a fair ticket price be to watch the decaying after-image of a Russian despot? Twenty dollars sound fair?

The Electoral College

The Electoral College is on a train that's about to crash. You could try to save it by pulling a switch which would direct the car onto another track, but unfortunately that part of the track was designed to give a lot more weight to rural voters. Any engineer could tell you that that's not the right way to design a weight-distribution system, so I guess you'll just have to watch the train crash.

The Blue Wave

The Blue Wave, which promises to save America from its totalitarian direction, is on a train that's about to crash into Russian hacking, gerrymandering, voter suppression, and Republican interference. You can save it by pulling the switch in the polling booth.


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