submitted by DoomRock321
Hi, and welcome to my Reddit AMA! I’m an enormous rock hurtling through space at 25 kilometers a second. I have been on a steady course heading for Earth over the last few months. After the United States’ shit show election and a fucking terrible year for just about everything, the time has come for me to slam into your planet and end all life. Ask me anything!
all 34 comments
Hi, Giant Asteroid! Thanks for doing this AMA. So, are you going to smash into any location in particular?
Thanks for the question! I don’t have anywhere in particular picked out just yet, but I was thinking maybe somewhere in northwest Virginia on January 20, 2017? *wink wink* Hahaha, just kidding! It actually doesn’t matter – I’m so big you’re all dead.
Hey LIBTARD, Trump is going to be the next President and there’s NOTHING you can do about it! Why don’t you stop crying and GET USED TO IT. No stopping the TRUMP TRAIN! WOOT WOOT!
You do know what an asteroid is right? Actually, never mind. See ya soon.
Listen, I know things have been bad, especially with all the gun violence. 2016 may have seen the deadliest mass shooting in American history with 49 people being killed at the Pulse nightclub, and that prick down in South Carolina murdering those people in their church, and Chicago descending into bedlam, but please, we can turn this around! We just need to change the gun laws!
Ehh, I’m not convinced. Just think of me as one big bullet from an enormous gun.
If America didn’t have such a shitty election, would you still be crashing into Earth?
I’ve asked myself that question and yeah, I think I would. 2016 on the whole was pretty awful. So many great people already died. Prince, David Bowie, Muhammed Ali, Gene Wilder, Alan Rickman, Leonard Cohen, Carrie Fisher: all dead. Let’s just wrap this up.
Wait…Carrie Fisher is dead!? I’ve been on vacation! When did this happen!?
Yes, Princess Leia is dead. Her mother died the day after, too! Let me just do my thing before you have to suffer the agonizing loss of Harrison Ford, too.
May the force be with her.
Indeed. And unfortunately, you folks are on Alderaan.
Those floods in Maryland, the fires in Tennessee and California, earthquakes in Taiwan and Italy, Hurricane Matthew – were those harbingers of the coming doom?
Nah. Not related to me. I do my own thing.
What about all the beautiful aspects of humanity? What about the compassion, creativity, and love that humans share with one another? Is there no sparing that??
FUCK YOU, SPACE DICK. GET READY TO SUCK ON MY BALLZ. LOL.
And there it is.
Hey, at least I got to see the Cubs win a World Series!
There ya go! See? It’s not all bad. (Also, sorry Cleveland. I’d say there’s always next year, but…)
Will it hurt?
It’s probably going to hurt.
Is this the United States’ fault?
I shouldn’t say, but yes. Like 90 percent yes. Partially Russia’s fault, too.
Does it have to end this way? With an asteroid smashing into the planet?? It seems so violent and cruel!
North Korea is like a few months away from having a nuke. It’s either me or that. Pick your poison.
Is there anything we can do to stop you? Anything we can say to influence you to change trajectory and spare us?
Are you all still convinced of the current practicality of the Electoral College?
I mean, if it’s not broken, why fix it, right? Trump won fair in square! I’m not a die-hard supporter, but I voted for him because he’s not a politician. We needed change!
Don’t worry, change is coming!
Can Elon Musk stop you?
Can NASA stop you?