Good morning! I see you’re looking at our selection of zombie-proofed vehicles. These certified ZUV’s are very popular now and we’ve got quite a few nice ones in stock.

The Bronco caught your eye, huh? I’m not surprised, it’s a beauty. It comes with a 6" lift and 36" tires, which means you’ll have plenty of clearance for running off-road should we have another outbreak, like up by Scranton. My wife and I took a similar truck up into the hills when things got really bad here. Of course, everyone else did the same thing so those hills were fairly cosmopolitan by then.

Zombie-proof Bronco SUV

As you can see, the stock hard-top has been removed and a light machine gun mount has been welded to the tailgate—PKM machine gun recommended but not included. If you really want the hard top, I think the original owner said it’s still in the brush on side of Route 46 outside of White Township near what’s left of the grocery store plaza.

That minivan is actually my own. I used to drive a pickup with saw blades jutting out from under the chassis, but my wife wants kids. Yes, there are some noticeable tears in the passenger seat upholstery, but you’ve got to expect that sort of thing. It’s nothing a seat cover won’t fix. I actually have some leather ones I can throw in. Their owner… doesn’t need them anymore.

You’re probably going to want some floor mats too. There are minor stains on the carpet, mostly in front of the passenger seat.

The front frame has been strengthened to support the cow catcher mounted over the bumper. It shines up pretty well considering what must have been splattered all over it.

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For this truck, I’m pretty firm on $5,500, or a two-month supply of food and ammo.

Something a little cheaper? Well, maybe this Jeep is more your speed. It’s a ’99, red with a nice lift. The spikes welded into the grill and on the door are a nice aftermarket add-on. You should check with your insurance company, you might qualify for a discount if you have them on your daily driver.

That one over there? That’s just a stock Pontiac Aztek, it’s been here for years.

I think you’ll like the blue one next to it, though. I call it the "Corolla with the Flamethrowa." You should have seen the guy who traded it in. He was definitely one of those people you hear about on the radio; the ones who adapted a little too quickly to the hordes of undead wandering around. Here, take a look at how it works. Tell me that isn’t fun! The range on it is about 20 feet and you’ll get ten shots on a full tank. You can fill it up at Chevron for $50, now that the price is coming back down. $4,200 and you can drive it home.

No, no. That minivan is actually my own. I used to drive a pickup with saw blades jutting out from under the chassis, but my wife wants kids. You know how it goes, Dad has to give up his toys. We got the new Toyota with their five-year warranty against the shambling deceased. It’s the sport package so it came with that raked prow and steel window-covers.

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The Corolla, eh? A nice choice! Let’s go inside and sign the papers. I’ll just need your license, social security number, and recent proof of non-infection. If you don’t have it with you, that’s OK, you can drop it by later. I just need to have it on record, you know how this new government is. They’re drowning business with all their anti-zombie regulation.

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