Some are born with perfect limbs, others work hard on their physique. Mark my fucking words when I tell you that Carrie Underwood is both. Her new leg workout has given me the determination and confidence that I need to not only sculpt perfect legs like hers but to also emotionally revisit and conquer the memories of my father’s unfortunate death.

I underwent Carrie’s grueling regimen of squats, lunges, thrusts, and toe taps for three weeks, and I can see the results in the tone of my legs, and the guilt of being 100% responsible for the pontoon boat accident that took my father’s life is now an easier cross to bear.

Below is my journey.

For this workout routine you’ll need:

  • Exercise mat
  • Light dumbbells
  • Step
  • Medicine ball
  • Spotter (for when you pass out from crying and screaming your deceased father’s name)

1. Warm-up

Start the routine with a series of lunges and drop squats to keep the heart rate going and warm the body.

Tip: Try not to think of the night on July 7, 2006. Keep your hands at your sides and do not place them in a similar 10-2 position that they were in when you were driving the pontoon boat.

2. Exercise 1 – Step-Ups

To start, place your entire right foot onto the bench or chair. Press through your right heel as you step onto the bench, bringing your left foot to meet your left so you are standing on the bench. Return to the starting position by stepping down with the right foot, then the left so both feet are on the floor.

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Tip: At this point the memories will come flooding back to you. Move past them and utilize your breathing. Don’t focus on your father’s voice saying, “Watch out for that other boat. Slow down. Seriously Jeremy, slow down right now. Goddamnit Jeremy, what in the hell are you doing?!”

3. Exercise 2 – Toe Taps

Place your right foot on your step at a 90-degree angle. Press through your right heel to stand up on the step and tap your left toe on the step then bring it back down. Repeat on the other leg, back and forth for 30 seconds to 1 minute.

Tip: By this point you will most likely be passed out on the gym floor with urine all over your Lululemon shorts and the ambulance will be on its way. When you wake up in the hospital room the nurses will compliment you on the new physique of your Underwood-style legs. Unfortunately, your father will still be dead and the lawsuit from the family whose boat you hit will still be pending.

4. Exercise 3 – Skater Lunge

Do a reverse lunge with your back leg slightly at an angle. Leap to the side and bring the opposite leg behind you, only tapping your toe to the ground. Immediately jump back the other direction and continue alternating, transferring your weight from one leg to the other. Do this for 30 seconds to 1 minute

Tip: You have been out of the hospital for two weeks. Your Lululemon shorts are as dry as they’ve ever been and you’re ready to tackle this final exercise. Look in the mirror and say to yourself, “I am capable of doing this. I am strong. Dad would have wanted me to do this.” If you pass out again, do not attempt workout in the future.

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