College Quotes
Andy: Now if any of you are a renaissance scholar....yes, Rob.
Rob: Okay, when you say renaissance scholar, do you mean someone with an education of the renaissance, or a scholar from the renaissance? Because I'm pretty sure the latter is impossible without a time machine.
-On being wise beyond your years
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About Bill Dixon
Hometown
Chicago, IL
At a Glance
Bill Dixon is a writer/comedian residing in the great city of Chicago. Bill will rock you like a hurricane.
Recent Comments
Facebooking My Biological Father
The following are actual Facebook messages between my biological father and me. My biological father has been absent from my life since I was about five years old. After discovering him on Facebook—can you believe it? Fucking Facebook—through my father's friends, I was connected with a wonderful aunt and cousins I never knew existed. I told my aunt that I wasn't sure I was ready to contact my father directly just yet and she understood my apprehension wholeheartedly.
But just recently my biological father put my baby pictures into his photo album under the more than ironic title "people I care about very much." This was followed by a friend request and the following message:
"great pics, if you have more id love to see them,thanks."
I copied and pasted. That was the entire message. Let me say that this is the first communication with my father in two decades.
No offense, but I am not looking to be Facebook friends right now, mainly because I don't know who you are.Today I responded with the following:
"Listen, I haven't heard from you my entire life and the first thing you have to say to me is summed up in one, grammatically horrifying sentence.
I had prepared myself for this and I always assumed that your reaction to discovering me alive would fall on one side of a spectrum of emotion, either positive or negative. I had not taken into account the possibility that your reaction would be one of total and complete apathetic craziness. So cheers for the curve ball.
Anyway, I have a great dad who came into my life when I was five, and he will be my father until the day I die. A crazy dad, admittedly, but an amazing person, nevertheless. And with some white knuckling, a trip to rehab, and an incredible luck of the dice, I turned out reasonably sane, given my sterling genetic and psychiatric heritage.
So it's no offense to you, but I am not looking to be Facebook friends right now, mainly because I don't know who you are, and second because we are not friends.
Not saying we never will be friends, but what I would need from you, in the spirit of reconciliation, is a little more than "great pics." That message, after all these years, might be the craziest thing ever.
However, I guess I'm glad you enjoyed the pictures.
I look forward to hearing from you if you ever wish to respond. I've always been interested in my Genesis. It's like my very own Big Bang. I think that would be interesting to hear about.
But it doesn't consume me like it used to. I thought if I knew how I started, it would tell me something about who I am. But as I get older I realize my decisions and actions, my friends, my family, my mind, and my heart—that's what defines me, not what hospital I was born in or what gifts I received for my first Christmas.
So I guess if you have anything you want to say, I urge you to say it. If not, that's alright too.
The truth is, I'm alright today.
Anyway, I hope you have had a fulfilling life free of the heavy burden of child support.
Thanks for letting me vent,
Bill
P.S. Mom, she died."
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Hey Bill,
Went thru the same thing, minus the meeting on FB. Had a FATHER enter my life at 5. Not a dude who called when he wanted to show me his new truck, while being years behind on child support. Take it easy, man. Scott.
How insane.. But I am glad you have a REAL father and not just that lunatic.
Thanks, thanks, thanks! The P.S. was originally, "Mom's dead." but I thought that was worse than "mom, she died." but in retrospect dead is a much less abrasive word than died.
I've gotten a ton of email from people dealing with fathers or mothers who suck at life. At least I can dictate the terms to mine. I don't have to see or talk or hear from him if I don't want to. So I feel for those of you dealing with assholes on the daily. I can write my ass off but I think I would have a much more difficult time not socking him in the fucking face if I had to see him.
So to those of you in that boat, God speed.
Thanks again for the good words.
This was brilliant, moving and also a damn fine piece of writing...
:hugs:
I understand your own emotionally negative perspective upon your own father and how he may or may not have effected your own life. However, all I hear is you deliberately burning a bridge with little use or purpose. I don't think his message was apathetic or insane. I am not sure if much can be done, said, or expressed through the message one may send over a facebook or any black and white text service.
If you wish to understand a mans perspective and where his ideas lay with sincerity, I suggest meeting and listening to them.
Your attempt to 'jab' your father with the dead mother bit was a pretty disappointing display of typical problems we have in society. The problem is evident through out much of our culture, to sum up the problem simply I will use an old anecdote that has been used for longer than either of us have been alive. Two wrongs don't make a right. Often individuals see a desire for revenge or a need for change in another, unfortunately this is often gone about in a physically an emotionally scaring way.
As unreal as it will come to your mind, the man who gave you life is a person, just like you. Although he may have made mistakes, he probably isn't going to be too keen on you in the future with your childish 'stomping your feet and kicking the wall' style out cry. I have experienced a great deal of personal torment in relation to my own parents and family members as I am sure many have. I can assure you through my own personal experiences, what you've done will accomplish nothing and will not make you feel better about reality.
You need people and you need love. Someone expressing the desire to see more pictures isn't apathy. You are projecting your anger.
Dear Anonymous,
I'm really sorry I disappointed you. But let me clear some things up.
1.) I'm not emotionally negative-and it's not a perspective.
2.)I have plenty more information that you are not privy to to confirm that he is in fact, legitimately insane. But If you don't think it is insane to tag your kid you've never talked to in a facebook album then send him a message saying nice pics then there is only one thing to say to you, "Dad, get off point in case."
3.) Wait (shocked) Are you saying my biological father might not like the letter (gasps). It occurs to me that I don't give a shit. The letter was for me, not for him. And stomping my feet? "But as I get older I realize my decisions and actions, my friends, my family, my mind, and my heart—that's what defines me." Yeah boo-hoo, that is totally on par with hurling myself on the floor at Toy-R-Us screaming "I want a toooy!"
As for giving me life, sticking your dick in someone in a meth bender and running away to Puerto Rico isn't exactly Genesis 1. Fucking "man who gave me life."-No he gave me chromosomes, I took care of myself until I was 13-years-old. I gave me life.
4) my absolute favorite is your take on projecting which i assume you are referring to Freudian Projection in which you manifest anger towards something unrelated to the catalyst for your anger. It's not projecting if he is the source. That's like punching someone in the throat and they pull there fist back to hit you and you scream "don't project on me!"
5) Finally, I have accomplished what I am trying to accomplish. I wanted to say my piece. It was for me. I have a dad, he was there for me after my mother died and raised me the best way he knew how and I'm not looking for a dead-beat pen pal. And certainly not concerned with his image of me or "burning bridges." Which is another great one. A bridge implies something useful. Yeah, what will I do without my biological father, Why I might have to raise myself or something crazy...oh wait.
But I swear the way you are writing, sounds an awful like someone trying to rationalize something irrational. Like maybe you have abandoned a child or two.
You took my letter apart not from a perspective, but from any angle you could inch a wedge into, which is a tell-tale sign of someone not trying to convey a point, but someone just trying to rationalize. Your argument doesn't hold because for a number of reasons but mainly, you want it too bad. You are using large sweeping language, hyperbole, and the topping on the cake, you work a vague reference to your own experience in there at the end to confirm your Expert Status of Authenticity.
It sounds to me like you are the one projecting, so pick up the phone, call your kid, or wife or whoever you fucked over and just say-I'm not a great person but I'm sorry. I won't hide behind my bullshit anymore.
Think about it.
fucking, negative perspective-jesus.
I can whisper comments it in your ear softly. Hope you don't mind if I read them off a piece of paper.
wow. a lot of anger there. im sorry bill but i have to agree with "a person". i did not find his reply negative at all. in fact, i found it just the opposite - full of wisdom and good advice.
you interpreted the idiom "burning bridges" quite literally...
"I told my aunt that I wasn't sure I was ready to contact my father directly __just__ yet".
i think your words belie your true true intentions: your desire to reconcile with your biological father oneday... someday.
best of luck, mate. "[we all] need people, and [we all] need love."
Lets be sure to put a warning, no rationalizations of perspectives and no usage of words that back up that perspective. Maybe someday, when you are a bit older, you will see that just because someone didn't do anything for you doesn't mean that you should have expected them to.
Have you ever heard a black man get upset because he was given nothing more than his freedom after being a slave in the US? Have you ever heard an American get because he was disappointed in how the relationship between English an America fell through? Consider yourself a stronger, better person for being capable of striving without the need for another instead of a child crying and waving his hands out his father to the entire internet.
I am no one, I am an enigma, I am a stranger. It is troubling to ponder how much value you put being my 'inch' of an argument. I think you may have not read the part where I typed, "I have experienced a great deal of personal torment in relation to my own parents and family members as I am sure many have. I can assure you through my own personal experiences, what you've done will accomplish nothing and will not make you feel better about reality." What this means is that my own experiences are very similar to your own. It is a troubling notion to deal with, a feeling of abandonment. All humans experience and handle their emotions a little differently. To each their own.
I love how people get involved and impart advice in areas where they couldn't possibly relate, regardless of any perceived similarities. There is exactly ONE person who has the right to judge Bill's motives, reasons, actions, or response to this situation.
The really convenient thing is that we don't even have to ask him what he thinks, because he was already nice enough to share it with us.
Thanks for that Bill.
Talking talking talking and not saying anything. That must be exhausting for an enigma.
New policy: I will not argue with people who dispute the events surrounding my personal life.
Regardless, thanks for reading.
Son sorry for bailing out on your mom, I have twenty dollars for you. Have a fun life.
Could be "more pics" is a giant leap for your biological father. It shows some interest on his part. He wants to see what you look like. If he was a great genius of communication he would have communicated with you years ago. Anyway, fabulous writing. But probably far beyond bio-dads intellect.
I'm shocked and disappointed, and somewhat angered, over how insensitive creeps like "A Person" and "Anonymous" feel like they have the right to attack someone else's personal perspective on an extremely personal issue. it's fine to offer a different perspective, but how about a little bit of tact guys, huh? Learn it, love it, use it. It is an honor to be allowed into someone's life like that, and the fact that these two chose to be anonymous while throwing barbs says a lot about them. I don't imagine they have a lot of heart-to-hearts with loved ones.
I just wanted to say, that I am a child of a father who was absent/mentally ill my entire childhood. He was not there for me. He was selfish in many ways. He hurt me, and my family in ways he may never know or be able to understand. He suffers from drug and alcohol abuse, and refuses to seek treatment for his illness. That being said - I can understand your anger. I can understand your being hurt and never wanting to speak with this person. When I first came into contact with my biological father after many years, I felt similar. However, my feelings have changed. What he did to me, was NOT ok. I will never feel it is. What he continues to do to himself and with his life is NOT ok either. But you know what? I AM ok. I may have some problems, I may still be hurt, and I may regret a lot of things I had to go through as a child which were a result of who my father happened to be. But, he is a person too. I often think, what happened to him, to bring him to where he is today? How must it feel, to have done something like abandon your child and mistreat people, and years later to have to look back on that and live with it? I do not excuse my father. But, I do not hold anger towards him anymore. I pity him, and his sad life. I reach out my hand to him when he is in need, not because he deserves anything, but because it is healing. To love those who have wronged us in spite of what they have done, to show compassion for people during dark times whether they deserve it or not, can often save them. Can often reach them. Can many times, bring US peace. I know you feel angry. And you have the right to express that to your father. My only hope, and prayer, is that you can forgive, not for his sake, but for yours. That your anger will leave, and you can be left in peace from what you have had to go through, whatever may come of the relationship (or not) with your father.
First-off, I really enjoyed your writing.
Second, I'd like to give you the benefit of my experience. Might help, might not, let's see...
I have an 18 year old daughter, bright, beautiful, smart, sweet, and sassy, whose Dad walked out on her as a one year old. Every few years throughout her childhood I would initiate contact and, grim-faced, head-bowed, he'd turn up, all butter-wouldn't-melt, cry on the sofa, and spoon-feed us both a bunch of bullshit about how everything was gonna be different in the future.
Then he'd fuck off again back to his embarrassingly young bit-of-stuff and the good-times to be had when you don't have to worry about paying child-support, getting home in time for the babysitter to catch the train, or looking after a small child whilst loaded up on E.
Meanwhile we struggled, and I do mean 'struggled', on!
Fast-forward to the present day, and Facebook. I initiate contact again. And again he promises things will be different. And lo and behold, he's right, they are different. They are worse! Only now his daughter is old enough to see the kind of twat he is...and boy is he a twat! Such a twat that I'd throw a one-woman naked ticker-tape parade through all the World's Capital Cities if he even managed to have a passing flutter of a semi-conscious thought about posting her photo in a Facebook album. Indeed, the man could spend the rest of his days cross-legged under a bodhi tree and it still wouldn't occur to him to publicly acknowledge her in any way, shape or form!!
So, yes, well, I guess that's me taking a somewhat circuitous route to tell you that your Dad may not qualify for Father-of-the-Year but what he seems to be trying to do is take a small but positive step towards you, dipping his toe in the proverbial water. Had you encouraged him, you might have found him making a bolder stride or great big splash in time.
What I'm trying to say is, it's a good positive thing to give people chances in life. And if you open your heart to him then your Dad may prove to be a wonderful addition to your life, or he could prove to be a twat and no doubt you'll be able to tell him so in your own eloquent and pithy style.
Lots of uncertainty there, lots of scope for hurt, disappointment and rejection BUT if you shut him down at the first toe then you'll never know if you missed out on the best-case scenario, and whilst miracles are rare, they do once in a million Jezza-Kyle-style Dads happen!
P.S. I reckon your Mum done a good job on you!!!!
E'rybody talkin about second chances... fuck that. How the hell does posting some photos to a Facebook album and sending an impersonal one-liner warrant a second chance? If I was neglected and/or abandoned as a child and never cared for since, you better believe any potential "father" of mine has a lot more ground to cover than that in order to prove himself worthy of a second chance. There are too many great people in the world to spend your life paving broken roads.
That sucks but I wonder if you would have had such a brilliant sense of metaphor if this had not happened to you!
"spend the rest of his days cross-legged under a bodhi tree"
I very literally have no idea what this means but I love it.
In regards to my old man, I have a dad. He is the man who I call everyday who lives on the other side of the country. He's the guy I call when I am trying to change the brakes on my car, go through a bad breakup, or need to know how long to marinade a steak. I am not lacking in the dad department.
So when some strap-on tags me in his photos as "William Martin", Martin is his name. I am more than a little indignant. My step dad or "dad" raised me, took care of my little brother, carried my mothers casket, mourned, loved, and hurt and THIS fucking guy says "nice pics" and I'll claim you as mine now by tagging you with my name.
Well excuse me but fuck that and fuck an olive branch. I'm a grown ass man. If you try to indict me into your life by jumping up and down going "look look! He's mine!" then you have forfeit your right for the nice-guy routine, especially with my real dad watching this going "what the fuck." I refuse to let the man who raised me be challenged on dad status by a stranger. Everything I wrote was true and if my bio isn't man enough to handle the truth then fuck him. I'm not playing softball with this guy just because he said "nice" fucking "pics".
And do you think I have heard back from him since I sent him this? Hell no. I was hoping he would write back because I would like to write a book one day and I think that would be extraordinarily helpful.
Thanks for your input and your daughter is lucky to have such a great mom with such amazingly off-the-wall metaphors.
Think you can use "fuck" a little more next time? I mean, it started getting really hot in here while reading that. Made my toes crinkle a bit... And there was some definite teeth grinding as well. I'm not creepy I swear! Your shower curtains are nice btw...
No that's pretty creepy and I feel violated...but seriously, what are you doing this weekend. fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck.
Um... Tomorrow I sleep. No work which makes me happy. Then, work on Saturday. After work I'll probably go camping. Then, Sunday I plan on sleeping some more. Sorry for violating you. I'll try to keep my stalking to myself from now on. Perhaps I'll just write about it in my diary. Then one day when I'm old and gray my grandchildren will find the dusty journal and read it and not give a rats ass about my younger years when I used to stalk unsuspecting victims and steal road signs and road cones etc... Wow... Ramble much about nothing there kiddo? I apologize for that as well. The other Emily wants to come out and play sometimes. She is an attention whore. How's the weather?
You are going to stalk to yourself? Not to condescend but if you were any kind of stalker you would get out there and try locating my facebook, myspace, twitter, friendster, home phone number, address's of family members, something!
I mean if you are going to stalk, you need a bit more gumption.
Soon enough I'm sure I will be naked, tied to the septic pipe in your basement with BX cable, bloodied and weeping, while you sit in front of me in a lawn chair, wearing an old wedding dress, holding your cat in front of me screaming, "Why won't you look at baby! Look at him!"
That is, if you show some stick-to-it-ivness.
Come on, Emily-Bob, be somebody.
See, this is why I love PIC. Sometimes the comments and their replies are even more funny than the articles. I can't imagine why some people don't even read the comment section. They are missing out on half of the hilarity!
;-)
I hear you, Bill... In my vast experience of twattish Dads (dating back to Great-Great-Grandad-Twats on several sides of the miracle-of-life-stroke-'I'm-just-generously-indiscriminate-with-me-sperm-me' equation) it's not a great sign that he isn't hammering down your door with fistfuls of yellowing dog-eared letters, cards and poems he's been saving up to give you for the last quarter of a century!
I hope he gets his arse in gear and I hope he's put your back-dated pocket money in a high interest account (or invested it in Apple back in the 70s) but if not, write that book of yours and take one of the bastards down for all of us!!!
Oh yeah, and YAY! for your step-dad :D
The way I see it is that some people may have had ,or have, the SAME situation, but not the same reasons for it being that way!!
By the way, Andrei is right..
Most of the humor lies in the comments.. XD
Hey, I think the man is entitled to tell off dear old dad. I think he could have been warranted to spaz out a bit more dammit. Hell, I can't relate and damn sure no one else can. Let's put this in terms less deep.
What if....yes, what if, you were engaged to some dude and he just up and leaves and 20 years lates he sends you an email, on FB, that says "My bad, but you look hot today." I'm sure you would say a lot worse and he wasn't even biologically required to take care of you. That's just my 5 cents.
Wow.. I know I'm a little bit late. Was cruising thriough the internet and found this.. Not eve sure how i stubled upon it. I think I was searching for 60 y/o and up porn or something of that nature.
On to the serious part... I first want to say that this was some amazing writting and agree with everything you say. I would like to offer another perspective on this from another point of view for the... what do the kids say these days? Ah, yes, "Haters". I myself am the "step"dad of a beautiful little girl who I have raised since she was a year old. I put the word step in quotes because she's mine and I am hers and that's all that has ever mattered to either of us.. Now, once I can finally scrape the money together from a soldier's salary (which isn;t much) she will be adopted and carry my name legally. But, I ramble.. My point being, if the sperm donor suddenly showed up out of the blue when MY child became an adult and tried to plant a flag shouting "I created this" when he had nothing to with it, I would be furious. For multiple reasons, 1.) I raised my daughter not that jackass and nobody takes credit for my shit. But, more importantly it's an insult to the child. This man didn't give a crap the entire time a young mind was shaping and becoming the person they would be for the rest of their life and they all of a sudden want to show up outta the blue and declare his fatherhood? Fuck THAT shit!
Good on ya (Does anyone even really say "good on ya"?) for standing up to this sperm donor and his BS. I for one, am impressed and aplaud you.
No, you fought for your country and fought for the daughter you raised. I applaud you, good sir.
I wrote a snarky email to someone I have come to learn speaks very little english and may or may not be a functional illiterate. I should write a follow up. Anyway, It's easy to be angry, in fact it feels good a lot of the time, to condescend in a position of moral outrage, to look down on someone wagging your finger. But being shit on or doesn't make you moral, being a victim doesn't give you amnesty from being a fucker. I've come around to that and I could be a better person to the people I love.
It's a lot harder to be the man who did something, you did that. So Good on ya, and no, no one says that.
That got real.
poop, shit, fuck, Haliburton.
Understand that I was not looking for praise. I'm just a guy like everyone else. I just wanted to give a different perspective to those who had a problem with what you did. I just felt that some where judging you a little too harshly and (as seems to be common these days) trying to victimize the one who did YOU wrong. So, again, well played and don't let them get to you.
Oh, and...
The game...
You just lost it.
BWA HA HA!!!
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