Earwax in People's Ears

This has to be one the most unattractive things I have ever seen. I was at a bar the other night and this absolutely stunning female entered the bar and sat down
to have a drink right next to me. When I say stunning, I mean a mix between Rachael McAdams and Claire Danes in Romeo and Juliet. That’s how attractive she was.
This does not happen often so needless to say I was pumped.

I attempted some terrible pick-up line and fumbled through it. She laughed at my pitiful attempt to initiate conversation foolishly thinking I was acting that way
on purpose. We talked for a solid twenty minutes and I bought her a few drinks (although when she wanted Jager, I should have realized she had no class). Everything was going
wonderfully until she turned her head down to grab a pen to write down her number, which gave me a clear shot of her ears. Gross. She must have had at least two layers of
yellow-brown grime caked around her inner ear. What’s worse, it was reproducing and spreading to the outer ear and the lobe. It looked like some sort of ivy growing up a
house.

I kept looking away but the wax would not stop staring at me. I swear it was alive. She handed me the napkin she wrote her number on but when she turned away I
put it in my mouth. I know that sounds out of panic, but I could not be associated with someone whose ears looked like a Petri dish of fungus.

I puked later that night, not because of the vinegar and vodka shots I made myself, but because of that chick’s ears. I am officially suggesting a Public
Service Announcement for proper ear maintenance. Everyone, they’re called Q-tips. They cost $3.79 for 500 of them. It’s a necessary purchase.