My favorite beer? I hope you got some time ‘cause I got tons of ’em. How do I even categorize them? Region? Type? Chronologically by when the brand was founded? You better strap in, my guy, cause this is going to be one awesome stroll through Beers I Like Town.

Usually I like to start my nights with a good ol’ Swedish Sharp beer. This guy knows what I’m talking about! Man oh man, the way those crazy Swedes brew those ingredients… mmm mmmm! You just know that’s the freshest flour and parsley in the whole world. What a great way to start a night of poundin’ back some expertly-chosen brew-doggies.

Oh, you want to move away from the European fare?

If you listened to your geography coach, you’ll know that Canada is actually where all of French culture originated.

Well next, we’ve got lined up a classic brewski-ewski from the ol’ U S of stinkin’ A. Around here, we like our beers like we like our lady-folk: of varying sizes and ages. That’s why I like to crack a bottle of Plinter’s, crack a bottle of Stinnengrab’s, pour half of each down the sink, and mix the rest together. Oh, there’s poor kids in India that could really use that sink-beer? Well they’re in luck, because our tastebuds are about to take a magical journey to Mumbai. More like Mum-beer, right Dr. Thompson?!

Any brew-head worth his weight in Heffenheisman knows that Mumbai is home to the world’s best India Flesh Ales. You’ll really believe you’re sucking on an elbow! But that’s not all… India’s best kept secret is the Red Curry Lager. Spicy!

RELATED:  The Runback: Week 1 NFL Recap for the Mildly Invested

Looking for something a little tamer? You’re the boss, applesauce.

Let’s navigate this taste-plane back to North America for a stop in Alberta-Upon-Avon, Canada. Why such an obvious choice? Well, the best brew-boys in the world agree that if you look just under the glitz and glamour, you’ll find a little-known Canadian gem. If you listened to your geography coach, you’ll know that Canada is actually where all of French culture originated. And all that history is poured into each pint of Frau-Le-Fux Dopplegong. Just remember to say “Hello” to Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. Or, if you want to blend in with the locals, greet him with “Buongiorno!”

Hold onto your hats, because this last stop is way up north in Antarctica! Chilled by the coldest glaciers of the world, Lil’ Eskimo Hopdinger will have you wishing Karen would let you stay forever. Your tongue, throat and tum will be delighted by this tradition pilsbury. You can bet your pants that the boys back at the office will be just green with jealousy when they heard you got your stinkin’ paws on a beer like this. You’ll get fired probably!

Hey listen, Dr. Thompson, I know you feel ok right now, but I really don’t think you should be piloting the flavor-plane back home. No, I don’t doubt that you’re capable, you’re a very good pilot. It’s just that if the flavor-police were to pull us over, how would you explain that to Karen and the kids? And then the board would take away your veterinary license for sure. Just think about the doggies. BREW-DOGGIES THAT IS!

RELATED:  Super Bowl XXXVIII: A Canadian's Perspective

Haha grab the keys, Dr. Thompson, I’m wasted.

MORE ON PIC