Anti-Chuck Norris Facts: Animals

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ANIMALS!


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Chuck Norris Animal Facts:

Chuck Norris taught caterpillars how to turn into butterflies.

As a child, Chuck Norris played Hungry Hungry Hippos with real hippos. For every inch of hippo cock sucked, you received one point. But Chuck Norris once received an automatic 60 points and a lifetime of undeserved popularity for shaving a hippo's pubes and hot-gluing them to his face.

A shepherd once accidentally spilled his coffee on Chuck Norris' lap and refused to apologize. Chuck Norris went to the man's field and fucked every one of his sheep. Chuck Norris wasn't trying to get back at him, he just loves to fuck sheep.

Chuck Norris can't have a dog because dogs are allergic to Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris raped my dog. And then my youth. And then my dog again.

Chuck Norris uses live rattlesnakes as condoms. Tiny, baby rattlesnakes.

Chuck Norris once ate a dog because he couldn't find the can opener in his new cabinets.

Chuck Norris is seen at the pet store weekly buying gerbils. He then stuffs them up his ass.

MY GOSH HAHA THE GERBIL ONE WAS TOO FUNNY!