Home > "Staff Infections: Outdated and Out of Style" and Other Brilliant Term Paper Topics

"Staff Infections: Outdated and Out of Style" and Other Brilliant Term Paper Topics

By contributing writer Logan Cardon

Can’t think of a topic for your next paper? Feast your eyes on this cornucopia of ideas!

I’ll write down a focus, and then we’ll just fill in possible topics. Ready? Let’s get busy like a whippet on Uncle Jesse’s shin.

[I’m incontinent. More later…]

A lot has happened in AsiaAsia
A lot of crap has gone down in Asia. You have many options. Look into reference books usually in the “A–Be” section if it’s a World Book, “Aardvark–Bestial” if it’s Britannica, or “Anal-ficient intelligence–Zuit suits on Hasselhoff” if it’s Phil Donahue’s Quick-Guide to Gay Loving.

Pre-med
Crap. When I started this whole “possible paper topics” thing I thought it would just be funny and pretty easy to write. I don’t know much about pre-history let alone what they did before they had medicine. Maybe write about what women used to use as tampons. Maybe they used sawdust in pig bladders with swan feathers for wings. Come to think of it, that would be a bad-A paper. If you could find girls who would actually wear them with their tops off and film it that would be sweet though.

Ok, I just put one in. That sucked dude, totally sucked. I couldn’t find swan feathers so I had to improvise and use an old Trix box. I feathered the edges pretty good but I put it in the wrong way. My anus feels like hemorrhoids bathed in razors and lemon juice. I’m bleeding pretty bad. Crap. I just got it on my Mom’s bed. She’s going to be so pissed. I’m not even a woman, what the hell was I doing.

Ok, back to the task at hand. I have to finish this quick. I’m bleeding and I need to get to the hospital. If you know how to make sutures, please email me at sofrigginfastandfurious@kazaamthemovie.com.

The Cold War
To be honest I’m not really in college. I just saw the opportunity to write and thought maybe I could BS my way through it. So when you’re in college, do you score with chicks? Freak man, I bet that’s pretty awesome. I once talked to a guy in a chat and he was in a dorm room and two chicks came in topless and just totally started going at it. He said they were totally fly, like Mary Kate and Ashley–aka “the new black.”

Fraggles brainstorm too you knowThe Fraggles
Wembley is awesome. If you could do a character study on him I think it would be fab. His development from the pilot right up to cancellation was superb despite his unassuming role. A deep, brooding fraggle, Wembley fought against the tide of low self-esteem and, like trying to breathe in space, he ultimately failed, sending a quiet but unambiguous message to us youth: if you’re living life through someone else (embodied by Gobo’s Uncle Matt), you’re bound to fail. Some have said Wembley was gay. No way, and you can quote me on this, NO WAY. He was straight like the antennae that brought him into our homes.

Law
I think that the law should be pretty easy to come up with a topic on. Here’s a link to some good legal resources and interesting cases. Pay special attention to the language used by these lawyers, whose promiscuous verboseness is really quite a turn on.

[I just started out this paper saying I was incontinent for a cheap laugh, but I just wet the keyboard. I can’t believe I told you that.]

Communications
Once again we find ourselves in a familiar quandary: I don’t really have a chance to talk to people and, consequently, I am unfamiliar with the art of communication. But what I have I give. For example, “Do you play Magic the Gathering?” That’s a good icebreaker, and if you’re a bit kinky you might change it up by saying “Do you find pleasure in playing Magic the Gathering?” It’s a great pick up line in chats.

Anyway, good luck on your papers students. Don’t worry about me, my mom’s bed sheets have soaked up most of the blood, it just kind of oozes now. And, I think a paper titled “Staff Infections: Out-dated and Out of Style” would be a pretty bad-A paper too.

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