Now that the Boy Scouts have announced that they will be dropping “boy” and becoming gender-inclusive, Girl Scout cookies may need to be adjusted to be more “boy friendly.” Here are a few ideas.


Teenage Mutant Ninja Toffee: boys will buy anything with Ninja Turtles. This cookie will look like pizza, but with toffee instead of pepperoni. The secret is that it’s made in a sewer.

Dad Bod Mints: Like the popular “Thin Mints,” but thicker, and with a little bit of hair.

Michael Bayleaf: This cookie will somehow be a big seller even though it’s wildly unpleasant. It's a pretty average cookie, but is made with the “explosive flavor of bay leaf.” The packaging will be very elaborate.

Legolongs: Like “Tagalongs,” which is a peanut butter/chocolate cookie, but you have to assemble it yourself.

Bakgunator Blasts: This combines the two things American boys love most: guns and bacon! This cookie is made with bacon bits and edible gunpowder. A powder blasts out of the box when you open it.

White Chocolate Macadamia Nut: Extra nuts! No creative title needed.

Sum-oas: Finally, a cookie that involves math! This box doesn’t let you open it unless you solve an algebraic equation. Remember PEMDAS (People Enjoy More Difficulty Accessing Snacks).

S'Motors: V'room v'room! These crunchy, nut-cluster-packed cookies are incredibly loud to eat.

Triple Chocolate Chunk: Extra dark, extra chunky, and shaped in different types of animal poop that you get to identify!

The Pretztige: This is no ordinary pretzel cookie, this is a pretzel cookie shaped like all the different knots Scouts learn! This cookie was inspired by the greatest movie ever, The Prestige, which, like knots seem needlessly complicated and baffling to look at, but are really easy once you figure them out. Like, really easy. Like, how did we not see it?

Do-Si-Dojos: The first cookie to be sponsored by American Ninja Warrior. They are made entirely out of protein powder.

Cookies & Creme-Ovengers: Similar to an Oreo, but it's totally not the same, please don't sue. Every box is printed with a different face about why DC sucks and Marvel is great—collect them all!

Sorrys & Thanks-A-Lots: The existing cookie, the “Thanks-A-Lot,” will officially be renamed the “Sorry.” The new “Thanks-A-Lot” (a marshmallow and sugar-cookie sandwich) will be made and pronounced sarcastically.


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