San Diego Comic Con 2014 has come and gone, thus marking another successful year for the world’s largest pop culture (read: nerdy) expo. As always, the event was a mixture of highs and lows. We saw some great films of the future being teased, as well as plenty of five-hour line-ups, over-priced merchandise, and 400-pound men dressed as characters from My Little Pony.

To evaluate the ten most important moments, here is our dynamic duo of entertainment reporters, Batman and Robin.

10. Batman vs. Superman teaser footage and Wonder Woman costume reveal.

Batman: The teaser trailer to my new film looked epic. That is all.

Robin: You certainly looked a lot like Ben Affleck in this trailer.

Batman: Don’t care. Still fucking epic.

Robin: I liked the part when Superman’s eyes lit up and it looked like he was about to laser you to death.

Batman: I like the part where you weren’t in it because you wear a stupid costume and everyone hates you.

Robin: Um…thanks? Anyway, we also got some pictures showing what Wonder Woman will be wearing in the film.

Wonder Woman 2014 Gal Gadot costume from Comic Con San Diego

Batman: Now THAT’S a costume. I bet she looks even better out of it. Amiright? Eh? Amiright?

Robin: Do you think that Superman would want you talking about Wonder Woman like that?

Batman: He didn’t want me taking a dump on the bathroom floor in the fortress of solitude either, but did that ever stop me?

Robin: So THAT’S why you guys are fighting…

9. Skull Island film announced.

Robin: Legendary Pictures have announced that they will be making a film about Skull Island, the home of the world’s favorite blonde-loving primate, King Kong. Expect dinosaurs, tropical storms, natives conforming to outdated racial stereotypes…

Batman: …and huge amounts of monkey poo.

Robin: Another point worth recognizing is that Legendary Pictures also made the recent Godzilla film, paving the way for an epic Godzilla vs. King Kong showdown in future.

Batman: May the best hideous freak of nature win.

Robin: You mean just like when you fight Superman?

Batman: Annnnnnnnd I’m officially making you an orphan again.

8. Dr. Strange – No announcement.

Robin: Marvel fans were keen to see the studio announce its next new franchise, but alas, no announcement was forthcoming.

Batman: So…this isn’t really news, then.

Robin: The lack of an announcement was quite a surprise, hence making it newsworthy.

Batman: In that case, it’s also newsworthy that I didn’t catch the Joker today, and Poison Ivy still hasn’t admitted to giving me that rash on my twig and berries.

7. Avengers 2: Age of Ultron poster and footage revealed.

Robin: The eagerly awaited sequel received a poster at Comic Con, as well as some exclusive footage of Iron Man battling against the Hulk.

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Batman: There was also the even more exclusive leaked footage of Black Widow vigorously making love to herself for two hours and fifteen minutes.

Robin: Batman, I don’t think that Hollywood films generally leak exclusive footage onto websites that require you to sign an age declaration form and enter your credit card details.

Batman: You’ve lived a very sheltered life, Robin.

Robin: Ah…shall we go to the Bat-Computer?

Batman: *Nods head* To the Bat-Computer.

6. The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies trailer revealed.

Batman: Our lovely hobbity trilogy draws to a close, but not before Smaug, Sauron, and a whole lot of orcs decide to fuck some shit up.

Robin: In doing so, though, they pave the way for the Middle Earth that we know and love in The Lord of the Rings.

Batman: The also pave the way for it to be socially acceptable to be attracted to midgets with hairy feet.

Robin: Is it about time I cleared the browser history on the Bat-Computer again?

Batman: *Nods head* To the Bat-Computer.

5. Guardians of the Galaxy 2 announced.

Robin: With the exploits of the Guardians of the Galaxy currently setting cinema screens alight, it comes as little surprise that Marvel has decided to fast-track a sequel.

Batman: I love the raccoon with the machine gun. He’d make a great sidekick.

Robin: But, Batman, I think you already have a sidekick.

Batman: I’m allowed two.

Robin: And you really hate guns.

Batman: Well, they’re in the Constitution.

Robin: And your great-grandmother was murdered by a gang of rabid raccoons just two days from retirement…

Batman: YOU LEAVE GRANNY MERYL OUT OF THIS! I’M GETTING A DAMNED RACCOON!

4. Mad Max: Fury Road trailer revealed.

Batman: A long time ago Australia made a movie about car crashes, mutants, and Mel Gibson not being a gigantic dick for once. Because it was so awesome, they made a sequel that was even better. Then, they made a third film with Tina Turner and a bunch of ugly kids in it, and everyone had to go and watch a movie about me just to get over the disappointment.

Robin: To rectify things, though, we are now getting Mad Max: Fury Road. The film (starring Tom Hardy and Charlize Theron) aims to take the series back to its roots, with high-octane, retardedly over-sized vehicles the order of the day.

Batman: It also promises to show that Tom Hardy isn’t always a mumbling, mask-wearing pussy whose ass I get to kick.

Robin: Batman, wasn’t it Bane who broke your back? And then put you in prison? And then started beating you up again until Catwoman had to come and save you?

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Batman: And then I jetted away to bang Catwoman in Florence while you get your stupid 10-second cameo in the film. The end.

3. DC Comics TV shows Gotham, Flash, Constantine, and iZombie all previewed.

Batman: Gotham is a show about what Gotham City was like before I became Batman and started kicking everybody’s ass.

Robin: So, basically it’s like a Batman movie, except instead of being a ruthless vigilante you’re a little crybaby kid in it?

Batman: Right. And you’re still swimming around in your dad’s nutsack.

Robin: We also got to see Flash, Constantine, and iZombie.

Batman: AKA really fast dude, chain-smoking demon guy, and Steve Jobs getting a reboot.

Robin: I don’t think that is what iZombie is about, Batman

Batman: Well I didn’t think I’d ever catch you in bed with Aquaman and a burlap sack full of sea cucumbers. We all make mistakes, Robin.

2. Interstellar footage revealed.

Batman: Since he’s grown tired of making awesome movies about me, Christopher Nolan has now decided to shoot a film where Matthew McConaughey is an astronaut. What a fuckwit.

Robin: Don’t be so harsh, Batman. Nolan has made some great non-Batman films, including Memento, The Prestige, and Inception.

Batman: True. His track record is good. I guess I’m happy enough to see him try something not bat-related.

Robin: I thought you were never happy?

Batman: I make an exception for good films, tight leather, and when the Justice League makes you eat Thanksgiving dinner at the kid’s table.

1. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles trailer revealed.

Robin: The Turtles are back! And this time, Michael Bay is calling the shots as producer.

Batman: That makes me sadder than seeing Master Splinter elbow-deep in a box of rat poison.

Robin: On the upside, Megan Fox is playing April O’Neil.

Batman: I can think of only one "up" side to that.

Robin: Really? Does everything have to be a dick joke to you?

Batman: Says the man whose real name is Richard.

Robin: Yeah, I think we’re about done for the day.

Batman: Okay then. Tune in next time, for when I solve a new case by making Robin spend a night in Arkham Asylum collecting urine samples from psychotic criminals!

Robin: And that, kids, is the reason you don’t drop out of college.


All articles in the “Batman and Robin” series:

Batman and Robin Discuss 2014’s Biggest Upcoming Films
Batman and Robin Debate Comic Con’s Top 10 Moments
Batman and Robin Discuss the 10 Highest-Grossing Films of the 90’s
Batman & Robin Discuss 11 Female Superheroes Who Need Their Own Film

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