- "St. Patrick's Day is basically our one day off a year. All year long we're changing colors, constantly trying to hide from others. On St. Patrick's Day we can walk the streets of, I don't know, let's just say New York, and simply be free. It's truly a blessed day for the faith of the Irish and the well-being of chameleons alike."
-Chameleons - "The first few years of my life other statues would come up and pinch me (because I was originally copper) all day long on St. Patrick's Day. Since then, I'm the one doing all the pinching!"
-The Statue of Liberty - "Nobody can figure out why I'm the logo for such an iconic brand, but one day a year I really seem to fit in without question."
-The Starbucks Logo - "364 days a year we are forced to hide behind more majestic backdrops that are later added in over our hard work. St. Patrick's Day is our day to shine in the limelight."
–Green Screens
- "Walk around all St. Patty's Day asking people if they got that green. If they say no, ditch those idiots and move on to greener pastures. If they say yes, you bout to get higher than the clouds. You're welcome."
-Marijuana - "It's our duty to direct traffic in a meaningful way. The fact that our job is the cornerstone of leading St. Patty's parades for a celebration of Irishness and green is just icing on the cake. It's like we're a part of something greater, you know?"
–Street Signs - "Remember us? Well we about to make a huge comeback!"
–Nickelodeon Slime (citation needed) - "Everybody is always saying, ‘Algae is so gross…we need to get rid of the algae…algae this…algae that.' Well SUCK IT, jerks! You'll be wishing you hadn't gotten rid of us when ole St. Patty's come rolling around. You know where to find us, and we'll be ready."
–Algae - "Sure, the Greenhouse Effect isn't necessarily green, and no, the things I do are not necessarily good for the environment, but wow, what a great day to try and make some positive PR moves back in my favor."
-The Greenhouse Effect - "Feel free to be jealous of others all day because the color will look good on you. I just wish I looked as good as you in green."
-Envy - "Thanks to us, no U.S. immigrant will be pinched on St. Patrick's Day, and we are proud of that fact."
-Green Cards - "Nobody ever wants the green banana, just the iconic yellow ones. Well, sorry folks, there's only so much of me to go around on St. Patrick's Day. Better start lining up."
-Unripe bananas - "I know I'm absolutely the ugliest blazer on the planet, and nobody who's ever won one even wears me. I'm just hoping Phil or Tiger pull me out this year so I can get some fresh air. I really think this is going to be the year for that. C'mon, fellas, let's have some FUN for once!"
-The Masters Jacket - "People tend to hate me because I'm the only thing that can defeat Superman, and that's a lot of burden to carry year round. On St. Patrick's Day I can just blend into a crowd and be myself. If you see me and don't say anything I'll buy you a round of Guinness."
-Kryptonite - "Nobody has enough of me yet everybody wants more of me. Well, you can swipe your debit cards and trade bitcoins on PayPal all year, but guess what? Parade and festival street vendors only take ME, so I'm steppin' out in all green glory on St. Paddy's, motherfuckers!!"
-Cash
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