Beauty. It’s all about making time for yourself right? Nope, turns out that’s a lie told by people who want to revitalize the bath bubble industry.

If you’re like my 13-year-old daughter, it’s hard to find time to primp for selfies when you have to be in so many selfies of your self-primping. Just kidding. She has like a million hours of free time, which I constantly try to invade with talk about reading a book, purely because I am insanely jealous.

You see, in my circumstance, I don’t have time to look at a mirror, nevermind a selfie, because my newborn’s diaper makes a rumbling sound five minutes after I change it, every time I change it.

Still, most days I can get out the door with a bra on, though I can’t guarantee you won’t catch an odd undertone of some vaguely sweet and mysterious baby-related aroma underneath the whiff of perfume I’ve sprayed for you yesterday…

How do I do it?

Well, it’s all about flipping that Jean Nate-age, time-consuming beauty philosophy and revolutionizing your beauty routine to make it fit when you want it to, like the 30 seconds you have to pee. Actually, I’m not recommending tacking any beauty time onto your bathroom time, because I know you need to check Facebook too, whenever, but take a look at these awesome time-saving beauty tips I do want to share.

1. Shower every three days.

Let’s start with the biggest time-saver. Are you aghast at that? You’re right, to be fair, I probably should have said every four to five days. And there’s a bonus here: you’ll save just about enough on your water bill to buy lip gloss, which we’ll address the importance of later.

2. Keep your makeup simple: no more than two items.

All of your makeup application from this point on is going to happen when you’re supposed to be doing something else, like driving a car. I recommend lip gloss. And mascara. That’s it. It’ll fit right into a fresh four-lane red light.

Obviously, wear waterproof mascara, stay away from water, and keep your eye cream in the car now.

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3. Treat your breakouts during hand-washing time.

Back to your new 30-second bathroom dashes, hand-washing time is a great opportunity to do a quick face scan to remember who you are, or perhaps notice a pimple that grew in the fog of the previous 24 hours.

Here’s a mind-blowing beauty secret: just wash that acne area with the same hand soap you’re already using! It does the same job as the expensive “skin care regime” you used to think you had time for. I promise you, any breakout will be gone in a day, or by the next time you get a chance to look at your face in the mirror, whichever comes first.

4. Avoid plucking your grays.

Speaking of that ever-important 10-second mirror scan, you may find it easy to use this time to notice your ever-increasing number of gray hairs. But I warn you, don’t allow them to trick you into a plucking battle.

Plucking can be extremely frustrating, depending on your lighting and background bathroom paint color–it’s a now-you-see-it, now-you-plucked-the-last-of-the-good-hair game. Baby peek-a-boo is way more rewarding. Or is it…?

Go back and pluck grays when she’s sleeping, if you must.

5. Put tomorrow’s clothes on today.

You really need to take care of your clothes. And by that I mean try not to dribble food on them so that you can wear them the full 24 hours (minimum) to get your clothes-changing time’s worth.

Need a cute outfit for your lunch meeting with friends tomorrow? Put it on today.

Have a big party in two days? Take your shower and put on your mascara now. Then you have all of tomorrow to get the appropriate attire on.

Generally, I recommend a lot of black in the wardrobe: it matches the lip gloss and people tend not to ask if it’s the same black tank you had on at school pick-up yesterday. Of course it isn’t. Well, of course you have no idea actually.

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6. Brush your teeth the moment you remember.

Sometimes you may notice that you need to brush your teeth. Go straight to the bathroom and brush them, or else you might forget for another day.

I highly recommend keeping a toothbrush by every sink. Yes, of course that includes the kitchen. Just angle it away from any cleaning supplies if you need to quickly put it away under the sink when guests arrive. Nobody cares to be reminded that life is hard with a newborn.

7. Stop changing earrings.

Find a beautiful, shiny pair of earrings that fall just below your earlobes. You should probably make sure they’re hypoallergenic. Then wear them for a few months straight, or the rest of the year if you have to go back to work.

8. Teach your kids to stop messing with the “car gum.”

If you’re in the car and realize you haven’t brushed your teeth, and your kids chewed all your car gum in a ten-piece mouthful, don’t yell at them, just give them a good huff of stink breath when they give you a kiss bye for the day.

Or make sure you yell right up in their face.

9. Try to get a morning walk in.

It does wonders for the soul and a little for the muscle tone.

Remind yourself that carrying a baby in a carrier is basically a medicine ball workout without the results.

10. When one strategy doesn’t work, immediately try the next one.

When even your lame morning walk workout isn’t possible because your oldest daughter has a loose bracket on her braces and needs an emergency orthodontist appointment because she keeps chewing all your gum, don’t lose your focus! This is an eye cream opportunity you don’t want to miss!

See? Easy. The bubble bath will be waiting for you in ten years, or whenever you get around to cleaning the tub.

And you know what? That cute little baby staring back at you thinks you look amazing with food in your hair.

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