1. "Personally, I’ve never been a fan of having my mouth invaded by your hand sausages, but I understand this is your job, and I’ll be damned if I don’t respect your craft."

Dentist fingers in mouth

2. "Are you earnestly asking for feedback? Like do you want it on a one to ten scale? How exactly do you want me to give criticism on this? Did you even think this through?"

3. "Haha, boy if I had a nickel…"

4. "I see two therapists: one to help me get over my debilitating fear of the dentist, and one to get over my fear of fingers in my mouth. Now I have to get a third therapist to help me get over my fear of people asking me questions I’m not prepared to answer. So thanks for that."

5. "Don’t tell my wife, but I love it. I stopped brushing just so I’d have to come here more often and get those feather dusters you call fingers glossing my yellowed mouth ivy."

6. "I could ask you the same thing."

7. "You’ll come to learn that I’m quick at adapting to my surroundings. So when you put your fingers in my mouth, I don’t worry about fingers being in my mouth, I think, How I can better help you get more fingers into my mouth? Can I open wider? Swallow my tongue? Help me help you."

8. "Things could be worse. Things have been worse. My son’s in the waiting room. He got bullied again today at school, all because he’s got jagged teeth like broken glass. Say, you’re a teeth doctor, could you fix up my boy? I’d much rather like your fingers in his mouth than mine."

RELATED:  The 9 Worst German Beers, Tested

9. "Sometimes I feel them at night. Waking up in a cold sweat, I swear I can feel them tickling my uvula like little rubbery spiders. I’ve started sleeping with a mouth guard just to get through the night. It’s affecting me and my wife’s relationship."

10. "Check please!"

Suggested Next