Pop the champagne because another year filled with trashy reality TV, cheating scandals, and embarrassingly catchy pop-songs has come and gone. Read More »
The following is a simple tutorial on how to reconnect with old acquaintances who refuse to fucking participate in our era of rapid digital communication and constant connectivity (or, how to find an asshole without a Facebook account).
Step 1: Log on to Facebook. Read More »
"'Twas the night before the night before Christmas, and somewhere in the house, Lyle was searching the Internet, double-clicking his mouse. With work in the morning he decided to call it a night, but then thought to himself, 'Fuck it, I'll write!'" So that's how I ended up doing this really awesome list of things I love about Christmas. Read More »
This Christmas I'm supposed to take a break from talking about the sheer ridiculousness of celebrating a Christian holiday by putting a shrine to Santa Claus covered in idols surrounded by the fruit of your labor in your most important and focal place of your home. I'm supposed to take a break from pointing out the mass murders made in the name of God. Read More »
Another year is almost down, and it amazes me how much shit we still haven't figured out, given all the modern advances and technology available today. But here I stand, utterly baffled and disappointed. Here are some things I need you to work on, 2011.
1. A Cure for the Common Cold Read More »
Rudolph "the Red-Nosed Reindeer" Jenkins, who became famous for being discriminated against because of the color of his nose, and was not allowed to join the North Pole Reindeer Team, was in court following the Christmas of 1963. After a slew of witnesses ranging from Dasher and Dancer to Donner and Blitzen, the prosecution's star witness, SANTA, took the stand. Read More »
I don't remember exactly how I came upon PIC. I know I was in grad school cruising the Internet for porn, something funny, or both. But I landed on this website and saw a few things that made me laugh, so I'd check it every once in a while. Now I'm not just a reader, but a writer. Big effing dee. Read More »
In case it wasn't painfully obvious from my profile picture, I'm white. I could, much like the rest of my fair-skinned race, make the ridiculous argument that my ancestry somehow makes me a minority. For instance, that I'm actually 1/16th Cherokee on my father's side, in an attempt to seem somewhat exotic (something that white people crave). Read More »
As a New Orleans travel veteran, I have seen many aspects of The Big Easy. Since Hurricane Katrina, I have made it a point to go there once or twice a year to help the economy, enjoy the people watching, and most importantly, get drunk. I recently travelled to my favorite city with a group of people who have never been there before. Read More »
College, a time that is normally looked back on fondly as a source of great memories and good times, has forever been tainted for a young co-ed late last Friday night. Jodie Hampton, a sophomore Physical Education major, has reported that she was forced into participating in a barrage of learning exercises and study groups in the basement of West Virginia University's Wise Library. Read More »
Men are haunted by the vastness of eternity. And so we ask ourselves: will our actions echo across the centuries? Will strangers hear our names long after we are gone, and wonder who we were, how bravely we fought, how fiercely we loved? Read More »
Ever since I started teaching English, I've been struggling to find ways to get my students more excited about the English language. All too often, I find myself standing in front of a room full of blank and expressionless faces. Most of the students are very shy. I try to get them to communicate with me, but no one will respond. They just stare at me as though I'm from another planet. Read More »
There are some things for which text messaging is great. For instance, it's great for confirming things ("Yes Mom, I'm having safe sex."); as a goodnight after a goodbye ("Had a lot of fun tonight xoxo"); to reconfirm things ("Seriously Mom, I'm having safe sex! Read More »
"And pricks live forever..."
Whenever I sit down and watch a good zombie flick, I expect to see two things: zombies killing people in comedic fashion, and people killing zombies in comedic fashion. Nothing else has to make sense. Read More »
I've worked at Starbucks now for the better part of four years, and over these years, I've developed what I call "Starbucks ESP." I have the innate ability to predict someone's drink order simply by looking at them. Some might call this racist or classist or sexist, but I like to think it only further enhances Starbucks' "speed with service" mentality. Read More »