I dream of world peace. I dream of an end to war and disease. I dream of equal rights for everyone, and no more persecution based on race or politics or religion. I dream of a world where the poor are rich, and the rich are poor, but as soon as they become poor they get to be rich again because I dream of a world without poverty. Read More »

The following is a transcript from the weekly radio talk show American Heroes, hosted by Jonathan Gaylord. It has been edited for content by the FCC.

JG: Joining me today is Mickey Wolf of the DEA. Thanks for being on the show, Mr. Wolf. Read More »

I stopped paying attention to the upcoming election nonsense my country is currently puking onto the world. I guess I just grew tired of listening to a bunch of people try to prove they're the least sleazy liar with a bunch of money to burn and egos that know no limit. Read More »

Women, stop what you're doing now and take a moment to get in tune with your body. Do you feel it? Are your ovaries quivering? Look all around, look to the horizon. The rapeocalypse is upon us, and I haven't been this scared for my uterus since there was a Rick Santorum rally in town. Read More »

Last weekend, Marvel's The Avengers opened in millions of theaters worldwide to the frenzy of comic-nerds and explosion-lovers all over. It will probably go on to break a bunch of box office records. Also last week, Rick Ross hosted a press conference in which he and Ciroc vodka announced the signing of Omarion to the MMG imprint. We will see how that plays out. Read More »

On the eve of being my younger cousin's confirmation sponsor, I got to thinking about the best ways to celebrate for the young chap. I was unimpressed by the prospect of purchasing a "gift" for him, like some shoddy-ass gold cross he could wear once and then pawn at Cash-For-Gold when he turned 18 and desperately needed to buy some legal porn, guns, and cigarettes. Read More »

We thought death was the end.... It was only the beginning....

The Mayans said "You shall be fucked four times before the end approaches." Mayan Book..- - - . .-. -... ..- .-.. .-.. ... .... .. -

We are on our last fuck, of these last days. Should we give it to save humanity? Listen, as I, Kekedamus, prepare you for what's to come. It's the Rapeocalpyse! Buckle up, it's going to be a dirty, nasty, messed up ride. Read More »

Now this isn't one of those gay musicals like on Broadway where the idiots sing everything they're doing for some stupid reason. And when I say gay I mean that in a purely derogatory way with no slanderous intent towards sexual orientation. Because musicals are fucking gay. But this is something different. Read More »

Who needs a bunch of Mayan book-keepers who've been dead for 5000 years, or Harold Camping (the Californian wingnut preacher who has been *brain*dead for 5000 years) telling us when the world's going to end? Read More »

Sometimes I sleep in movie theaters. They usually throw me out, but sometimes I can go unnoticed for a few days depending on how well I hide. I was recently holed up in one of the local cheap matinee theaters that just show whatever old movies they happen to have laying around, and I woke up to the beginning of Zombieland. Read More »

If you're like me, then you probably spent most of your life prior to 1999 racing wagons down the hill of a busy street, only to be actually pulled over by a police officer and tremble in fear as you wondered how fast you were really going. Read More »

The first person to figure out who this letter was supposed to be sent to (before I intercepted it) and post the answer in the comments section gets a long overdue PG-13 SFW version of my GED senior pictures. Read More »

Hi there. My name is Brent Vanguard and I'd like to talk to you about safety. Do you think you're safe? You probably do. And you know what? You're probably wrong.

Take a look at yourself in the mirror. Do you like your body? Do you like it un-violated? Would you like it to stay that way? Because the Rapeocalypse is on its way, and you need to start preparing right now. Read More »

We went to see The Avengers on opening day, buying Fandango tickets the morning of and arriving at the theater well ahead of time. I had been looking forward to this for a long time, and I’d be shot in the back before I settled on substandard seating for a film of this scale. I had to see these inimitable heroes on screen. I consider myself one of them. Read More »

When the rape apocalypse comes, you will know. You will not need an article to tell you its signs. But I like writing about rape. A lot. And the rapeocalypse is the moment I have been waiting my whole life for because it combines the two best things I could ask for in life: justified rape, and death. Read More »